Adversity in Marriage
No marriage is spared from adversity. Have you ever stopped to think that adversity actually plays an important part in God’s plan? According to H. Wallace Goddard, “afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth” (Goddard, 2015, 37). He goes on to say that “since marriage is God’s finishing school, we should expect more afflictions or challenges in marriage than in any other area of life” (Goddard, 2015, 37). That seems a little discouraging, but Goddard says that “rather than dread our afflictions, we can learn to welcome them. We can learn to see them as blessings from heaven.” Even though adversity is hard, we can see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
One struggle that a marriage might face is learning and understanding what it means to sacrifice for the marriage and for each other. Goddard says that “in striking the marriage bargain, we are (unknowingly) giving up the egocentrism of childhood in favor of the charity of Godhood. We make a covenantal step toward unselfishness. As we progress in marriage we gain ennobled character as well as eternal companionship” (Goddard, 2015, 43). Selfishness plagues many marriages and is a cause of a lot of adversity. It takes work to learn how to control the natural man (selfishness) and to choose to sacrifice instead to help a marriage grow. In the talk, “Our Perfect Example,” by President Henry B. Eyring said, “the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love” (Eyring, 2009). Goddard encourages that “each of us should pray earnestly for the heavenly help to make those sacrifices that will sanctify our relationships” (Goddard, 2015, p. 44).
President Gordon B. Hinckley recognized the challenge of “companionship in marriage is prone to become commonplace and even dull.” Speaking to the men, he shares how to avoid this by saying that “I know of no more certain way to keep it on lofty and inspiring plane than for a man occasionally to reflect upon the fact that the helpmeet who stands at his side is a daughter of God, engaged with [God] in the great creative process of bringing to pass His eternal purposes.” He then addresses the women and says, “I know of no more effective way for a woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband than for her to look for and emphasize the godly qualities that are part of every son of our Father and that can be evoked when there is respect and admiration and encouragement.” Then addressing both men and women he states, “the very processes of such actions will cultivate a constantly rewarding appreciation for one another.” I love this counsel because he tells us to “reflect” on the value and divine nature of your spouse which will help your marriage grow.
Even though adversity is part of the plan, it isn’t something that God expects us to do alone. God is so willing to help all those who ask. President Henry B. Eyring said that we can “pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion” (Eyring, 2009). God will bless your marriage and help fight your battles, just ask!
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2009/10/our-perfect-example?lang=eng