Equals
Since the beginning of time, there has been a misunderstanding, or a misguided belief, that the husband is the head of the household and the one in control, while the wife has a lesser role and must “submit” to her husband. I’ve always found it interesting how Satan twists truth, despite the overwhelming evidence that this is not how a loving Heavenly Father works. Yet, this misguided belief continues to be passed down from generation to generation. I believe that part of how the adversary continues to promulgate this misguided notion can be found in the translation of certain words from Hebrew to other languages.
Bruce C. Hafen and his wife, Marie, do a beautiful job in explaining and clearing up this notion. The Hafen’s explained that “Genesis 3:16 states that Adam is to ‘rule over’ Eve, but this doesn’t make Adam a dictator. . .Over in ‘rule over’ uses the Hebrew bet, which means ruling with, not ruling over. . . The concept of interdependent, equal partners is well-grounded in the doctrine of the restored gospel. Eve was Adam’s ‘help meet’ (Genesis 2:18). The original Hebrew for meet means that Eve was adequate for, or equal to, Adam. She wasn’t his servant or his subordinate” (Hafen and Hafen, 2007). I believe that it is important that we all understand that in marriage, husband and wife are equals, and they are to assist each other in their roles and rule together equally.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said that “marriage, in its truest form, is a partnership of equals with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (Hinckley, 1992). When there is a spouse “exercising dominion” or control over the other, it will bring trouble and disharmony to the marriage and home. Dr. Richard B. Miller says that “many marital problems have as their root cause an unequal relationship or struggles over who has control in the relationship. Research makes it very clear that issues about power is predictive of marital problems. Research also demonstrates that unequal power relationships in marriage are predictive of depression. Thus, research consistently finds that happy relationships are most likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares power and has a true partnership” (Miller, 2008). I love when research can add to our understanding, and in this case help us to see that a marriage is most likely to be happy with couples having an equal partnership.
Elder M. Russell Ballard shares his thoughts in how God sees all of His children and the different roles that men and women play. Elder Ballard said, “Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal opportunities, they do have different duties in His eternal plan—and yet these differing roles and duties are equally significant. We must understand that God views all of His children with infinite wisdom and perfect fairness. Consequently, He can acknowledge and even encourage our differences while providing equal opportunities for growth and development” (Ballard, 1997). So, what are some of the “different duties” that Elder Ballard mentioned? Elder Ballard said that men are “to receive the priesthood, to become fathers” and have been “given the primary responsibility for providing for the temporal and physical needs of the family.” Concerning women, Elder Ballard said that they “have the ability to bring children into the world and have been given the primary role and opportunity to lead, nurture, and teach their little ones in a loving, safe, and spiritual environment.” Putting the two roles together, Elder Ballard called this a “divinely sanctioned partnership,” where “husbands and wives work together, each bringing his or her unique contribution to the family.” Elder Ballard goes on to say that “by appointing different accountabilities to men and women, Heavenly Father provides the greatest opportunity for growth, service, and progress” (Ballard, 1997).
God ordained marriage and I believe that the design of the roles of husband and wife is part of His perfect plan. We need to respect and honor each other’s roles and have unity in our marriages. Elder Henry B. Eyring said, “A man and his wife learn to be one by using their similarities to understand each other and their differences to complement each other in serving one another and those around them” (Eyring, 1998). I love this quote as it shares how we can “be one” and be united by pulling from our strengths from our “similarities” and “differences.” Marriage is worth it! Be equals, be one, work together in a united purpose, and always look to God for help!
Ballard, M. Russell. (1997). Counseling with Our Councils, Deseret Book, p. 55-56
Eyring, Henry B. (1998, May). That We May Be One, Ensign, v. 28, 5, p. 66
Hafen, B. C. and Hafen, M. K. (2007, August). Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners. Ensign, 37, p. 24-29
Hinckley, Gordon B. (1992, August). I Believe. Ensign, v. 22, 8, p. 6
Miller, Richard B. (2008). Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.