Happily Ever After
As a young girl, I bought in “hook, line, and sinker,” to the idea of the Disney fairy tale that I would meet “the one,” fall in love, marry, and “live happily ever after.” Fairy tales always include an amazing story of adversity that leads up to that great moment of reaching that “happily ever after,” but rarely do they teach of the adversity that comes with marriage.
Don’t get me wrong, I met “the one” and I fell in love, and we married, but the “happily ever after” wasn’t automatic or just gifted to us, we’ve had to work for it, and will continue to work for it for the rest of our lives. We are a work in progress!
In the October 1996 Conference, Elder Bruce C. Hafen gave a talk titled, “Covenant Marriage,” in which he addresses some of the adversity that marriages face. He said, “Every marriage is tested repeatedly by three kinds of wolves. The first wolf is natural adversity…Second, the wolf of their own imperfections will test them. . .The third wolf is the excessive individualism.”
One doesn’t have to look very far to see marriages being challenged with “natural adversity.” Many struggle with infertility issues, job loss, financial stresses, physical and mental health sicknesses, and deaths in the family. These are only a few, but this list is endless. How we react to these hardships makes all of the difference. The success that my husband and I have found in dealing with hardships, have come from turning to the Lord and asking for His help, and working together.
We all struggle with imperfections. My own imperfections, as well as my husband’s, can be challenging at times. There are the silly things that can drive me crazy like having to pick up his socks off the living room floor every morning. I’m sure my need to have the dishwasher organized a certain way drives him crazy too. There are more serious imperfections that can be hard, and let’s not forget the very fact that we are created and wired to think differently. Elder David A. Bednar’s June 2006 Ensign article, “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” states, “By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other.” I love that Elder Bednar says that our differences are needed in order to work and “progress together toward perfection.”
When I think of excessive individualism, I think of one who values their own self-interests and independence over what is best for their marriage and family. Elder Hafen explains excessive individualism as a problem of today, with many not wanting to “belong to anybody.” Elder Hafen says, “Surely marriage partners must respect one another’s individual identity, and family members are neither slaves or inanimate objects. But this. . .fear, shared today by many, is that the bonds of kinship and marriage are not valuable ties that bind, but are, instead, sheer bondage.” Taking on the responsibilities of marriage will mean that you will sacrifice for each other, but there is a level of love gained that can only come from serving and sacrificing for each other. I cherish the feeling of that kind of love and for belonging to my sweetheart.
I believe that it is important to understand that every marriage will be tested. I also believe that a “happily ever after” is possible with hard work, love, God, and Christ’s Atonement. I’ll end with this quote from Elder Bednar, but please consider the words, “happily ever after” with “ultimate happiness” as being interchangeable. “As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord, as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants.”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?