Turning
Every day we make choices that will either turn us towards God or turn us away from Him. In Dr. H. Wallace Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, he says, “Faith unto repentance means that we trust Jesus enough to turn our lives over to Him. We give up governance of our lives and turn that over to God” (Goddard, 2009, p. 75). This is something that we all must ponder and decide at some point in our lives. Do I trust Jesus enough to turn my life over to Him? For me, the answer is yes, as I agree with this statement from Goddard: “We must turn ourselves over to God” because “He can make sense of our fractured and flawed lives. We cannot” (Goddard, 2009, p.75). I have witnessed what God has done with my own “fractured and flawed life” and it is far more than I could have ever done on my own.
Goddard also teaches that “when we are feeling irked, annoyed, or irritated with our spouse, we have our backs toward heaven. We are guilty of pride” (Goddard, 2009, p. 65). This makes sense because they are all negative choices. The remedy to this, according to Goddard is “turning to God in faith and repentance” which “is the cure for pride and self-centeredness” (Goddard, 2009, p. 72). Goddard also explains that “the natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others” (Goddard, 2009, p. 69). I can’t think of more important and deserving relationship, than that of marriage, that deserves our very best in us “fixing ourselves” through repentance so that we can love our spouses with our whole hearts.
Just as it is important to make sure that we are constantly turning towards God, it is also important to make sure that we are choosing to turn towards our spouse. Dr. John M. Gottman teaches this as his third principle in his book, The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work. Gottman says, “In marriage, couples are always making what I call ‘bids’ for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking for a back-rub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away. A tendency to turn toward your partner is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion and a satisfying sex life” (Gottman, 2015, p. 88). While “bids” can be both minor and major ways that spouses can turn towards each other, Gottman sees these as “crucial mini-moments” that we need to always be aware of. These moments are key in building “trust” in our marriages and “its ongoing sense of romance” (Gottman, 2015, p. 89).
Goddard beautifully taught that “when we humbly turn our minds, our lives, and our purposes over to God, He will refine us. We begin to see with new eyes. We feel with new warmth and goodness. We gladly give our time and energy to bless those around us—especially those to whom we have made covenants” (Goddard, 2009, p. 79). I believe that the success of my marriage has come down to my willingness to turn towards God, always asking for His guidance and blessings for my marriage. I also believe in the importance of my husband and I turning towards each other. The answered “bids” for “attention, affection, humor, or support” has built “trust” and the “emotional connection” that I’ve needed through the 24 years that I’ve been married. I encourage all to turn towards God and toward your spouse and watch these actions bless your life and marriage. Goddard said it best when he said, “Love is not a happy accident; It is a choice” (Goddard, 2009, p. 83). Choose it, fight the good fight!
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (2nd ed.). New York: Harmony Books.