Why Marriage?
When I think about the family and community that I was raised in, lyrics to the song, “A Long Line of Love (written by Paul Overstreet and Thom Schuyler),” automatically pops into mind. “You see I come from a long line of love. When times get hard, we don’t give up. Forever is in my heart and in my blood, you see I come from a long line of love.” This song and mentality obviously dates me, but I have been blessed with the examples of a family and a community that believes in the importance of marriage and family.
As I dig a little deeper in studying about marriage, it doesn’t take much to see that marriage trends tell a different marital story than mine. The National Marriage Project, which is based at the University of Virginia, published “The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012.” This report stated that 40 to 50 percent of first time marriages will end in divorce. The divorce percentage is even higher for remarriages. Another alarming trend is that of cohabitation. You might be asking yourself, “why does this matter” or “how does this affect you.” “The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012” report beautifully answers questions by stating this: “Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage fosters small cooperative unions—also known as stable families—that enable children to thrive, shore up communities, and help family members to succeed during good times and to weather the bad times.” It is eye-opening to realize the impact marriage has on more than just the individuals and family.
Paul R. Amato, a sociology professor at Pennsylvania State University, has studied in great depth the effects on children being raised in different family/parenting settings (married, divorced, single, cohabitation, etc.). In his article, “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation,” he shares the results of 93 studies that were published during the 1960s through the 1980s, and states that the “results supported the conclusion that the rise in divorce had lowered the average level of child well-being.” This leaves me to wonder how often couples seeking divorce put their children as a top priority. Amato concludes his article by saying that “Children are the innocent victims of their parents’ inability to maintain harmonious and stable homes.” I believe the most important gift we can give our children, besides love, is to be responsible adults and parents that will do whatever work is needed in order to give them a “harmonious and stable home.”
President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (Families Can Be Eternal, Nov. 1980, 4). Has the time come? Are we there yet? I believe we are, as we see the increase of attacks on marriage and family and the decrease of moral values. In December, my husband and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Believe me when I say that throughout our marriage, we have had our fair share of reasons to walk away, but we chose to do the work instead. I am on the path to become a marriage and family counselor in order to fight the good fight because of my deep belief in families being forever. I believe that family is everything and worth the good fight!